Days in a LDR: 4 months.
Days till I see him next: A week.
Well, first i'd like to make a correction to my last post. I swear to God Brennen said "Mom" when he was talking about the NFL tickets, but in fact it was Nora.
Nora.
REALLY? I find this worse than his Mom making a "peace offering". What is this? A "I'm sorry I hit on you Boyfriend here's some good seats to an NFL game?"
Does this mean I get seat to a Broadway show from Stephanie?
Okay, I admit I have a very dark humor about this entire situation, but really? It won't change my feelings for her. I give her "credit" for attempting, but she'll have none of my respect.
Moving on...
My Father has decided to move out, when this will happen, I have no idea. So I have to play the idiot and be nice, because he's footing my college bill, and even before my acceptances he was threatening to not pay. And on top of that I'll have Brennen around the house....
Men. *shakes head*
I have no idea what's been up with me this week, but my feelings for Bren have turned angry again. I dislike talking to him (which is fine with me, because he's my #1 distraction, and it's finals week) and even though he sent me what I would usually think is an amazing love letter, I was unimpressed.
The worst is I have been rethinking "the fiasco" (as I so dearly call it). It's left me pretty morose. But no one knows. The one good thing about being an actress is that I can put on a show no problem. I'm sure everyone has forgotten about it about now. Except me. Not many people on campus knew about it in the first place, so it gets easier to cover up as the days gone on.
Interestingly enough, the other day I was asked if I was a virgin because "I act like one", not because of lack of knowledge, but the fact that I seem "too sweet" and I'm "modest about my dress". I guess I can pin my Neo-Victorian tenancies to this, but it did bring up an interesting thought in my head... should I have done it?
At this point, I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't... would this still have happened? Would it have been worse?
It brings to mind a speaker who use to come to my High School who talked about abstinence: Brad Henning. He was a firm believer that guys will do anything to get into bed with you, and once they've achieved that "goal", they move onto the next. When the thought came into my mind, all I could think was "Stephanie...Stephanie...". I've been good, I haven't cried, but goddamn if I didn't get close then.
I'm usually pretty strong, but this hit my one fragile place, and I'm alone in Florida, secretly putting together the pieces.
Freud said that girls will look for a Man who acts like their Father.... I wasn't expecting that they'd both be cheaters, the two most dear men in my life are untrustworthy scum.
But what can I do?
They're mine.
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