Days in a LDR: 3 months, 19 days
Days till I see him next: 18 days
It's been a while since my last post, but my goodness, if it hasn't been an eventful few days! A lot of ups and downs. I'll see if I can disperse them around evenly not to get anyone in a funk from the bad! Especially me!
Ok, let's try this backwards!
First, Nasty News: My Parents are getting a divorce because... of all irony he cheated. Of course, my Mom asked if he wanted to go to counseling, and he said "No, I don't love you anymore"
Ouch! I've known for years that this day was coming, but still, he didn't have to be like that.
Not sure how this will affect my relationship with Brennen, or how my Mother will view him... more on that to come.
Well, as of a few seconds ago, Brennen's mother offered me some pretty choice seats to a San Francisco 49r's game. Now, while I'm a baseball girl (GIANTS!!!) I could not for the life of me tell Brennen that I dislike football and probably would enjoy it (years of cheerleading make you hate it, I swear!). It was very nice of her to offer, so I graciously accepted, but also explained to Bren my thoughts on football as a warning.
Now, her motives are the one thing questionable about the whole thing. She told Brennen, who told me it was a peace offering because she thought I hated her. Now, Bren has been getting a never ending rain of ugly opinions on LDRs and how they ruin the "College Experience". To them, he should be randomly leaving with girls from parties and such and being crazy. While this has been happening our entire relationship, it bugs me now more than ever because I've made the realization that this could have been the thought that OK'd cheating on me. It puts questions into his mind like "Am I missing out?" or "Should this be the way I behave?".
So, to say the least, when I found out his grandfather told him he should marry this other girl because her Dad is a Naval Officer, I went a little overboard. It started with crying, eventually screaming, and a final "YOUR FAMILY NEEDS TO SUPPORT US, OR SHUT UP!"
I'm sure he told his parents my... *ahem* "Passionate" thoughts on their opinions, and I see these tickets as a "We're sorry we seem like we don't approve".
In other news: I have Brennen's Christmas Present picked out! I'm very excited. And moving on... (No, Brennen, I'm NOT going to tell you!!)
Me and Brennen had in interesting conversation over thanksgiving break which I would like to call a "fight" but he didn't really fight back, so it was more like me yelling at him. It started with another brilliant realization of mine (See? This is what happens when you leave me alone on a college campus, I start THINKING!) which was this: Why the hell is Bren grateful? What I meant, and still mean is that after the big fiasco, it was like he tried too hard to make us "normal" and instead, any form of romantic gestures got lost in the wood works. It was like I was doing all of the work, but because I'm not exactly one for romancing him right now... we were in a rut.
Eventually one day over break, I had been texting him for hours, and finally I said "Hey! Can we call each other? It would be easier." It was around 10ish, and unlike during school days, I wanted to get a full 12 hours! Also, this was the perfect time to discuss what I had been feeling. His response? "Yeah, I was about to watch a movie, how about in a few hours?".
And then, it happened, I snapped.
All I could think was "HE'S WATCHING A DVD IN THE LIVING ROOM INSTEAD OF TALKING TO ME, AND PLANS ON KEEPING ME UP UNTIL 12AM WAITING? WHAT AM I TO HIM????
I started throwing things, and blasting angry music, painted my nails deep red....anything to calm me down. It was almost like there was two of me. One was calm and saying "Barbara, don't worry hun! It's just a movie... call him tomorrow! It'll be fine!" and the other was like "BAR-BAR-AH SMASH BREN-NAN! RAAAWWWRRRR."
I soon texted him a long text starting with "Okay you're always telling me that I should speak my mind instead of contemplating the rational behind my emotions. So here I go: First off, F*** YOU. Secondly: something that has become apparent to me over the past few weeks is this: The moment you stop taking advantage of me and at least TRY to make this a good relationship is the moment when you start earning back my trust. Have fun with your movie. Good. F***ing. Night."
I'm not one to spout out emotions like that, but it really killed me to see how hard I was trying to forgive him, and how it seemed like I was just taken for granted. And I am NOT one you take for granted.
And amazingly enough, he agreed with me. I guess he had been trying to o a bunch of nice things, but all of them were unfinished because of laziness. Like a couple of unfinished care packages, and an idea to have flowers delivered to my dorm room. He apologized for his laziness, and then thanked me for telling him outright my problem. I guess several of his past girlfriends have broken up with him over that, but he never knows what's wrong until it's too late.
Interesting.
Anyways, the conversation cooled off from there. We ended up the next day sitting and talking for hours over the phone. And we finally picked out our promise/poesy rings. While I'm not getting them until winter break (on the 20th) it's good to pick them out when the prices are low for cyber Monday and such.
We're getting the same ring: http://www.limogesjewelry.com/custom.asp?productid=9079
Mine will say "Amor Vinict Omnia" which means "Love Conquers All"
It really struck a chord with me because not only has our relationship conquered distance, but the worst thing that could ever happen in a relationship: infidelity. If we can survive this, who's to say we can't get married? Even if we have to wait 9 years...
I guess that's what these rings are for!
Well, that's all for now! Off to cyber monday shop!
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