Days in a LDR: 21 Days
Days in College: 18 Days
Days till I See Him Next: 39 Days
Today started out as a bad day. I lost my only Umbrella, making me run around in the rain until I could find shelter to weather out the short, but strong storms of Florida. After that, I found out that I had missed the lunch times at the cafeteria, and was left to scrounge for food in my dorm... but none of this would give me as much of a heart attack as what would happen later to me with Brennen. Let me start with the good new, because good is always better, isn't it? 
Well, today was my second skype date with Brennen! Our conversation was funny, and we definitely kept busy with telling each other stories. His mother was in the room at the time, and so I told him I would leave this really awkwardly funny story for a later time when it was ok to swear and mention a few... naughty things.
Now, I was going to tell him about how I saw Rocky Horror Picture Show last night, and how all of us "virgins" had to stand up front and do a humiliating almost hazing-like contest to see who could say their Dad's name in the best sounding orgasm ever.
Now you see where the bad news comes in....
As a rule, you couldn't back out, or I would have as soon as I found out what we were doing.... so, I did it! At the time it was effin hilarious, because a cross dresser and a women from the cast were pretending to "screw" me while I yelled it.
But.... the next day, I regretted even seeing the movie. I knew I had to tell Brennen what happened, and I hoped that he would find it funny that it would be me that would get caught in such a sticky situation.
He didn't like it. At all.
And now I'm here at 1am typing away, wondering what is on his mind. I told him it wasn't a serious matter.... and he thought it would be the opportune time to tell me he's a little of the Jealous type.
I would have never known that.... and now I feel all awkward, and he swears he's not mad, but something didn't sound right in his voice, and I could tell.... 
I don't want to ruin this relationship! Oh goodness... not only am I crying, I'm COMPLAINING! I broke my cardinal rule!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHH! 
I need to stop typing. Obviously writing a blog at 1am while overly emotional is a no-no. 
If you need me, I'll be inhaling chocolate the next few days until our next call..... and writing my first college research paper! Yay for academia saving me from thinking too much...
So, I realized while I was typing up my last blog that....well, I am a horrible person! I flat out LIED about something that didn't even really matter... A dream? Really, Barbara? So I decided to contemplate why the hell I would lie over such a silly thing... For those of you who are confused on what I'm talking about, while conversing with Brennen on the phone yesterday, I decided to tell him about this cute dream I had about him.... then suddenly, after realizing I did notwant to tell him, I told him a comedic story about us running off to Las Vegas and getting married, and having my dad chase after us.
Which is SO not what happened in my dream, in my dream, I pictured me coming out of the terminal in my hometown, and having him holding a sign saying "Barbara Jaeb". After I give him a very confused look, and glance over at my smiling parents, I see him getting down on one knee....
....SO EFFIN' CUTE! WHY COULDN'T I TELL HIM!
So, some deep thinking lead me to this: I am afraid any form of talk about commitment will ruin our relationship. You see, before Brennen, I dated the same guy all through High School. A wonderfully sweet boy who promised me that we would someday get married... he even proposed several times, all with rings that he had made himself (he was an artist).
Then, suddenly, he got overprotective, restricted who I was allowed to see, and even then only with him around... he would beat up his friends for even calling me "pretty" and then would run off with younger girls. I finally broke it off with him, but it left me with a few scars, I know.
Now, whenever I talk about it with Brennen, I freeze up, and don't say much... and I know it has something to do with my past experiences. Which sucks, because I can see myself spending the rest of my life with him. (If my dream didn't OBVIOUSLY state that, lol)
Now I'm left with this important question: Do I tell him about my lying? Should I explain my emotional Baggage? Or is this too much commitment for such a young relationship?
RAWWWRRRR, what do I do???
Looks like I have more reflecting to do
Days In A LDR: 17 Days
Days In College: 14 Days
Well, I promised last blog that I would post Brennen's reaction to my Surprise trip to San Francisco in October... and he sounded so excited, it was ridiculous. He had this energy in his voice (we were on the phone, so I couldn't see his face), he actually sounded like he was smiling! I didn't know that was possible! And after a very, VERY long conversation on the phone, we both decided that we needed to talk over the phone more often, because while texting is so handy with our schedule, it doesn't have as great a feel to it as hearing each other's voices.
But after that, our lives got hectic again, and it was until today that we were actually able to get on the phone again. I was soooo excited! I had saved up all these things I wanted to tell him, from my class schedule, to the sex talk at our school, to the amazing dream I had of him and I (only out of embarrassment I lied... my dream was the I came walking out of the airport he had a sign that said "Barbara Jaeb" and when he saw me, he got down on one knee.... it was amazing, but I lied and said we went to vegas together, not sure why that's better, I guess because of the comedy in it. 
)
The suddenly, his Dad cuts him off, and what I was hoping would be another great conversation became me listening to love songs and eating the peanut M&Ms he had given me (A jumbo bag too... Freshman 15 in a bag, I swear)
For the first time ever, I *miss* him! 
Up until this point, it's been "Oh Man! Brennen would love this!" or "Haha, can't wait to tell Brennen about this one" but now it's...
"Why are we in two different time zones?!" and "I wish I could have a hug...."
And this is been in the last hour or so!! SOMEBODY SAVE ME FROM INSANITY! 
Oh well, as I did promise in my first blog, I would never complain about our relationship... because you know what? I love him, and he's the best thing to ever happen to me. I have something worth missing
And my New countdown?
Days Til I See Him Next: 44 Days <3
Days in an LDR: 13 Days
Days in College: 8 Days
He got the Letter I sent him Yesterday!! I was so exited, because not realizing this at the time, I sent it 3 days before our 3 months, so it got there on our 3 months!!! It's almost like I planned it
He said that the seashells I sent him broke, but he put the pieces in the box I made him anyways. The text i got when he got it was sooo sweet, I just wish I could have seen his face while he read it! His eyes are so expressive, I feel like I could have known exactly what he was thinking while he was thinking it... but, distance kind of stops that! Oh well.
BUT GOOD NEWS!!!!!!!! I GET TO SEE HIM OCTOBER!!! I'm flying back home for Columbus day weekend. I AM SO STOKED RIGHT NOW! I get to see his wonderful face.... and before winter break too!
I just felt the need to announce that to the world, since I just found out earlier this morning.... I plan on calling him and telling him later today, so just like last blog, I'll post another with his awesome reaction
I'M GOING TO RUN AROUND MY COMPLEX NOW IN PURE JOY! BYE GUYS!
Days in an LDR: 11 Days
Days in College: One Week!
Tomorrow is our 3 months... weird It feels like we've been dating for much longer than that! But, maybe that's just me... but here I am! I finished my first week of college! I SURVIVED! And to celebrate, we're going to a baseball game, and supposedly there's a party afterwards... but I'm not too sure about that one. I'm soooo anti-drinking, putting myself in that situation might not be smart. Anywaaaayyyss... there WAS a point about this blog! It's short story time!
I decided as a cute thing to send Brennen a love letter with two seashells from our campus beach inside of it... but to keep it a surprise, I called his little brother to get his exact address. Only, I didn't know that Brennen had heard part of the conversation, cornered his brother, threatened bodily harm, and got out of him that it was in fact me on the phone! But.. good little brother didn't say why! So, Brennen texts me asking what was up... and I lied! Again, didn't know Brennen was with his brother, and I had cornered him again!!
I hope this is all worth it! It was quite a nice letter, and I sprayed my perfume on it and everything! Just like a classic letter... maybe I'll get one from him? Oooo, with his care package! AHHH! ADORABLE!! Brennen, if you ever read this.... me and gushy stuff get along well.... if you haven't already notice 
Anyways! Story part two! It's all in text messages... don't need much context, it speaks for itself:
Me: ....well, I guess you're busy...so, goodnight? Sleep well? Maybe talk tomorrow?
B: Yes. we will i love you. Sorry i didn't respond, i'm still in the groove of texting late. 
however, i love you and therefore, everything will be alright
Me: I can't stop reading that text! It makes me smile.. You know me, I'm a worrier! And since I have nothing real to worry about, I'm worried about you going to college....and forgetting about me :/ You're the best I could have, but I know you can do better... Don't mind me...just a worrier...
B: Yeah whether or not i can do better, i'm not the best you can have. We could both do better, but at the same time, that means we both are best for eachother. i Confused my self. you love me and I love you. yhat's good for me
Me: ... I do love you
... it got a little weird in the middle... but it couples perfectly with what I wrote in my letter, which hopefully will be delivered soon! I'll blog his reaction as soon as I know.
Baseball time!! Go Tampa Rays!!!! Wait.... no... SF GIANTS!!!! I hope they play each other, we alllll know what side I'll be on! BLACK AND ORANGE!!! FEAR THE BEARD!!!!
Tehe
Days in an LDR: 6 Days
Days in College: 3 Days
I just finished my first ever skype date EVER! And my first skype date with Brennen, of course. It was so nice seeing his face, and even from 3,000 miles away, he can still make me laugh like an insane person and blush all at the same time. Which I'm sure was to the amusement of my RA who was walking around the dorm at the time. I do have to say though, even thinking about it now makes me want to cry... not because I'm homesick, just because I wish he was experiencing everything with me and not just sitting around his house. It's a weird mixture of tears of joy from seeing him, and tears of sadness from missing him terribly.... but I know this stage is going to be the hardest, being my first time away from home for more than 2 weeks and everything.
But, being in an LDR has its privileges as well. As Brennen is well aware, I like hanging out with "the guys" more than I do giggling gaggles of girls... and I find telling the guys "Oh yeah, I'm in an LDR" makes it a lot easier to talk to them...because then I'm not worried about them possibly liking me, or trying to hit on me... things you would expect from college guys. But now I'm just a part of the group, and that's AOK with me
I actually got tested on my relationship just yesterday...and I found out I could handle it quite nicely. You see, last night we had a "Welcome" rave party to jump start the fact that all the parents were gone. Now, I LOVE to dance, it's totally my vice (Which is much, MUCH better than alcohol or drugs, at least in my opinion) and I was worried my dancing might lead to some *ahem* "interesting" experiences with the guys.... which it did DUN DUN DUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!.....
but I just kept dancing till they realized I wasn't interested
I only have eyes for my man, and I think going to the dance reinforced that a little... which made today's skype all the more rewarding
And now... for random thoughts and current personal events!!!
Guess what guys, I'M NOT PREGNANT! Completely by accident I left my BC at my house, and after a few days of not being on it, I got it. I wasn't really expecting to be....well, expecting, but it was nice to know after the little risk we had a month ago that I'm not.... to find out the full story.... read my blog from a month ago 'round this time
And random thought of the day? I wonder what Brennen would think if he saw this blog... I'm sure some of the things would be...off-putting (like my confusion over his father)... but I think it would be interesting to hear about what he thinks about my side of the story.... maybe one day I'll sit him down and make him read it.... not right now, though, I don't think my blog is big enough for that, lol
I also met one of the girls from the Ice Cream Club today! It was very exciting to see my Co-Prez and talk to her, because we're totally on the same page when it comes to relationships
Time to go to bed! 9 o'clock classes.....rawr.
Days in an LDR: 4 Days
Days at College: 1 day
Well, here I am! My first post from my Dorm Room! I'm completely settled in, and ready to start class soon! Brennen has been nothing but a sweetie pie since our LDR started... but of course, 4 days isn't much! We've texted a few times during the day, and I periodically send him pictures of things... like our names in the sand at a local beach, me after getting stuck outside in my first tropical rainstorm.... the usual Communication is on the low side, but it doesn't really bug me.... we chat at the beginning and end of each day... and I don't mind one bit! As long as I get a taste of him.... just a moment of his time, I'm happy!
Also, College has already been a big distraction for me! It helps manage the pain.
Annnd, his Brother's support of us made me totally smile today! I had written to Bren on facebook that I miss him and that I hope he had fun at work today...and his brother sent me this in a private message:
"i saw your last comment to brennen and i hope one day i can find the kind of beautiful connection that u and brennen share"
....AWWWW!!!!
Well, that's all for now!
Current location: SFO Airport on the way to St. Petersburg
Day I come back for winter break: Dec. 17th
So, for the first time in our relationship, I had to say goodbye at the airport. After an amazing night of him sleeping over at my house, at 4 am we woke up, and headed to SFO. Our goodbye was short, but not without it's tears (all from me, of course). It was for the first time it really hit me hard that by tonight, I won't be a 10 minute drive from him. Even typing that now makes me feel a little sick.
I'm just glad I have this site, because I've been surfing on it the last few minutes, and already I'm breathing a sigh of relief. I know we can! I know we can! Just gotta keep saying that to myself.
I just really, REALLY badly want to give him another hug.... I wish our goodbye was longer :/
Oh! New stage in our relationship achieved!
Funny thing is? Last night he told me he consider getting us rings... but was afraid that because his income has been has been less than steady (He IS still a teen, we both are!) he couldn't put the obligatory 3 months pay into it.
It's the thought that counts! 
I'm still wondering what that mysterious surprise was that he alluded too those many dates ago. What was this gift I would be expecting at a different time? He says he's sending me a care package, with my wooden piece of art finished in it, along with other things.... hmm.... me like care packages! Makes me think of the camp I use to go to.
Well, college here I come! Wish me luck guys
Countdown till I moved from Pacifica, CA to St. Petersburg, FL: 3 Days
How long I have left with Brennen: 3 Days
The last weekend in California has finally arrived! Now it's time to test this relationship, and officially become an LDR. Last night we had the "So, how much to do trust me?" and "What is appropriate?" conversation. Good thing for both of us we're comfortable with the other hanging out with the opposite sex, and we both trust each other not to take any of those relationships too far.
Also, I feel like me moving away might actually help Brennen as well.
You see, he has a very strictly religious father who makes him do construction work all day (and today with no lunch break!) and sends bible groups after him hoping to break us up because A) We had Sex B) I'm not exactly his religion (Something along the lines of "thou shall not yolk yourself to a non-believer") and C) LDRs are unnatural.
Ouch. And I thought my Dad was crazy!
Now, I have nothing against overly religious people, the only thing that throws me off about his Dad is that he obviously thinks Brennen made a "sinful" choice with me.
But! getting back to how this will help him... he says he's planning to move out the day after I leave, so 4 days from now. He'll be moving into his Uncle's house, which is closer to his college, and a load cheaper than staying in a dorm. Away from his Father, no longer having to work all day for nothing? It sounds like a brilliant idea to the both of us.
I wish he had moved out sooner, though, because his Dad refuses to let him take a day off this week. So he wakes up at 6sm, works the entire day, than tries to go on dates with me until 12, only to repeat the process the next day. It really began wearing him out, and today he (very last minute) cancelled his date with me. *sigh* I hate being at odds with his father, I want us to be friends. Too much to ask? Haha
<---I just thought this was cute, and I wanted to add it
