Days in a LDR: 1 Month, 18 Days
Days till I see him next: 3 Weeks, 2 Days
Tomorrow is Brennen's 19th Birthday! I plan on leaving a huge long video on his wall tomorrow when I have the time. He opened his present from me Monday night on our skype date. I was really nervous when he started to open the book. (For those of you who don't know, I spent him a sketchbook full of pictures, drawings, love letters, quotes and songs) But, it turns out he liked it, A LOT. He's read it all the way through twice since Monday night. I was actually a little embarrassed! I didn't think it would be that crazy a reaction. I have to wonder if he's shown anyone... what were their thoughts? What are HIS? I sat through him reading the first four readings, but then we called it a night, and he continued reading the next day.
I asked him about it today, but he said he wanted to have the book in front of him when he explained his thoughts, and since he wasn't home, he couldn't do that.
The giving of this book I think fixed a lot of our little disconnects we've been having. It's amazing how it's only been a little over a month, and it feels like it's been WAY longer... it feels like the weeks fly by here, but then it's not moving at all.
Time and distance make everything confusing, I have to say. Here I am, a month into a LDR, and it almost seems like I've gone through an entire year of ups and downs! I hope I'm not the only who feels this way.
I thought I'd end this with adding the cute little text Bren sent me the other day:
B: "...By the way, I love you more than anything. I was actually told tonight that if I were single, I would have no problem "getting it". and the thought never entered my headed because I could only think of you. I realized that I can't even think about it for myself! I can tell my girlfriends (friends that are girls) here how to get laid, but I can only think about you for myself! I love you I love you I love you! I can't wait for the twenty first!"
...Without even knowing have of the paranoid fears I've been having, he manage to assuage them all. Wow. He truly is amazing.
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
A Serious Love Letter, his Birthday, and passing thoughts.
Days in a LDR: 1 Month, 11 Days
Days till I see him next: 1 Month, 4 Days
I just got my first official love letter from Brennen the other day! I'm still recovering from the shock of it. He obviously wrote it very quickly, but that really adds to the message in it. A sort of "in the moment" thing.
He told me that for the first time in years, he actually cried. He was watching a movie with a scene in which a group of Army wives get informed of their husband's deaths. Of course, he was texting me at the time... and while I haven't asked yet (we haven't had this time to discuss this letter yet, I want to!) I'm assuming he was Replacing Army with Navy, making me a Navy Wife, and having that happen to me. But again, that's my guess, I'll inform you of his actual thoughts when I get them out of him.
He said that he never wants to hurt me, and that causing me pain gives him more fear than dying ever would (I'm sure alluding to the above situation).
He then added on that he could imagine a life without me (something I told him I couldn't), but it would be lackluster and without happiness.
I must have read this letter 20 times before I got into my class. I couldn't believe it. I really wanted to write a response, but with his birthday present being sent out tomorrow, I decided it would be the perfect response.
Now, why? Because it's a large, hard bound sketchbook with love letters, quotes, songs, stories, pictures, and drawings all telling him how much I love him, how I wish him the best birthday, and how we can overcome our 2000 mile distance.
....still going to talk to him about the letter, though!
I would guess we're finally out of the red zone of last week with everything that went down, but I still need to have a serious talk with him. Brenbren still confuses the hell out of me...
and I need to question certain things about boundaries for both of us (I've had a lot of guys hitting on me, and I need to know his thoughts... he can get jealous, and no one wants a green boyfriend!)
I'll get back to you on the serious talk... I'm sure it'll be juicy!
Days till I see him next: 1 Month, 4 Days
I just got my first official love letter from Brennen the other day! I'm still recovering from the shock of it. He obviously wrote it very quickly, but that really adds to the message in it. A sort of "in the moment" thing.
He told me that for the first time in years, he actually cried. He was watching a movie with a scene in which a group of Army wives get informed of their husband's deaths. Of course, he was texting me at the time... and while I haven't asked yet (we haven't had this time to discuss this letter yet, I want to!) I'm assuming he was Replacing Army with Navy, making me a Navy Wife, and having that happen to me. But again, that's my guess, I'll inform you of his actual thoughts when I get them out of him.
He said that he never wants to hurt me, and that causing me pain gives him more fear than dying ever would (I'm sure alluding to the above situation).
He then added on that he could imagine a life without me (something I told him I couldn't), but it would be lackluster and without happiness.
I must have read this letter 20 times before I got into my class. I couldn't believe it. I really wanted to write a response, but with his birthday present being sent out tomorrow, I decided it would be the perfect response.
Now, why? Because it's a large, hard bound sketchbook with love letters, quotes, songs, stories, pictures, and drawings all telling him how much I love him, how I wish him the best birthday, and how we can overcome our 2000 mile distance.
....still going to talk to him about the letter, though!
I would guess we're finally out of the red zone of last week with everything that went down, but I still need to have a serious talk with him. Brenbren still confuses the hell out of me...
and I need to question certain things about boundaries for both of us (I've had a lot of guys hitting on me, and I need to know his thoughts... he can get jealous, and no one wants a green boyfriend!)I'll get back to you on the serious talk... I'm sure it'll be juicy!
Saturday, September 17, 2011
"NEVER call me BrenBren. ever."
Days in a LDR: 1 Month, 8 Days
Days till I see him Next: 1 Month, 6 Days
These last few days have been some of the highest and lowest moments of our relationship to date. I don't think I've ever been this confused on what's going on, and the sparse communication isn't helping. It all started when Brennen moved into his new Apartment for college. He barely talked to me the entire weekend, and only after bugging him repeatedly (I needed to talk to him after a bad incident with one of my friends that scared me) he finally talked to me, completely missed the point of why I needed to talk to him, then told me he was off to a party, and would talk to me tomorrow. I let it go because I know that I can bottle up anger and sadness, and no one will know til it's too late.
The next day, I finally tell him my story, and he skims over the fact that I'm obviously bothered, and tells me about his crazy night. Which I could understand from the point that he was telling me his story because it correlated to my story (he had some issues with watching his drunk friends while he was sober too) but then he tossed in "yeah, my date and I had to help this one girl get to her driver's car"
...date?
He eventually tells me the details after practically pulling them out of him. His cousin's friend had invited him to the party to get to know the waterpolo team, but the theme of the party required a date, so they ended up going together.
It bugged me... it still bugs me, but there isn't much I can do about it except say "please don't do that again"
I'm not the jealous type, honest, but that he called her his "date" really worried me. Why not "friend" I went with my "friend" to the party, she invited me. I would have liked that much better.
After a long discussion over text, and me being slightly on the verge of tears (something he doesn't know about) I asked him if he ever gets frustrated by the distance. I felt really connected to him during that whole talk, and we shared our frustrations and talked about what we were going to do when I came back, things like that. It made up for everything that happened.
The week went by and was uneventful, then the weekend came again! I called Brennen from the beach, and had a long conversation with him, then again a little later when I got back to my room. All was perfect, until last night. After that last call, I texted him most of the night. I told him that I was contemplating going to the party in my complex, or just watching Disney movies with my friends. He told me he much preferred me watching Disney movies, because he didn't want guys all over me. To which I made the joke "Aww... poor brenbren is worried some drunk guy is going to steal his girlfriend!!"
And he flipped out, told me never to call him that ever again, and stopped talking to me. I was a little pissed because here he knows all of my problems and my baggage, and here he is shutting up like a clam and yelling at me. It was an honest mistake, and I thought it was a cute little nickname...
And I've yet to hear from him all day. I don't plan on texting him first, mostly because I feel like I deserve a small apology for yelling at me last night for no reason.
I feel like at times I'm losing him... it just so hard to tell these days.
Days till I see him Next: 1 Month, 6 Days
These last few days have been some of the highest and lowest moments of our relationship to date. I don't think I've ever been this confused on what's going on, and the sparse communication isn't helping. It all started when Brennen moved into his new Apartment for college. He barely talked to me the entire weekend, and only after bugging him repeatedly (I needed to talk to him after a bad incident with one of my friends that scared me) he finally talked to me, completely missed the point of why I needed to talk to him, then told me he was off to a party, and would talk to me tomorrow. I let it go because I know that I can bottle up anger and sadness, and no one will know til it's too late.
The next day, I finally tell him my story, and he skims over the fact that I'm obviously bothered, and tells me about his crazy night. Which I could understand from the point that he was telling me his story because it correlated to my story (he had some issues with watching his drunk friends while he was sober too) but then he tossed in "yeah, my date and I had to help this one girl get to her driver's car"
...date?
He eventually tells me the details after practically pulling them out of him. His cousin's friend had invited him to the party to get to know the waterpolo team, but the theme of the party required a date, so they ended up going together.
It bugged me... it still bugs me, but there isn't much I can do about it except say "please don't do that again"
I'm not the jealous type, honest, but that he called her his "date" really worried me. Why not "friend" I went with my "friend" to the party, she invited me. I would have liked that much better.
After a long discussion over text, and me being slightly on the verge of tears (something he doesn't know about) I asked him if he ever gets frustrated by the distance. I felt really connected to him during that whole talk, and we shared our frustrations and talked about what we were going to do when I came back, things like that. It made up for everything that happened.
The week went by and was uneventful, then the weekend came again! I called Brennen from the beach, and had a long conversation with him, then again a little later when I got back to my room. All was perfect, until last night. After that last call, I texted him most of the night. I told him that I was contemplating going to the party in my complex, or just watching Disney movies with my friends. He told me he much preferred me watching Disney movies, because he didn't want guys all over me. To which I made the joke "Aww... poor brenbren is worried some drunk guy is going to steal his girlfriend!!"
And he flipped out, told me never to call him that ever again, and stopped talking to me. I was a little pissed because here he knows all of my problems and my baggage, and here he is shutting up like a clam and yelling at me. It was an honest mistake, and I thought it was a cute little nickname...
And I've yet to hear from him all day. I don't plan on texting him first, mostly because I feel like I deserve a small apology for yelling at me last night for no reason.
I feel like at times I'm losing him... it just so hard to tell these days.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
The Prank from Hell, and some slightly bad news.
Days in a LDR: 1 Month, 1 day
Days till I see him Next: 6 Weeks, 6 Days
Well, let's start with the "slightly bad news" first, then get into the prank. If you haven't notice, or maybe haven't read my blog yet, the days till I see him next got moved WAY back. This is because of a typo gone wrong at my college, giving us two fall breaks instead of one. So, of course, they delete the earlier one! Oh well, I can handle a few additional weeks!
Onto story time! Two days ago was an interesting day. It was supposed to be skype date day, but Brennen's busy schedule made it so he could only call me on his blue tooth while he worked. Which I was fine with, since I don't get to call him all the time anyways. So, we had a nice long convo, and then called it a night. So, I took the time to work on Brennen's 19th birthday present. That's when I suddenly get a skype call! From Brennen! I quickly accepted... only to find out it's his little brother Logan using Brennen's skype. The call failed, so we ended up, just like me and Brennen earlier, talking on the phone. After that call, I get back to work. At around 11:30 at night, I decide to call it quits when I suddenly realize... I never told Brennen I love him! So I quickly type out a text, set my phone on my nightstand, and curl up in bed. Then, my phone vibrates. I look at it to see:
"Hey beautiful great to see u talking to the Bren meister"
"Guess who this is"
To which I reply "...logan?" thinking back on Logan stealing Brennen's computer to skype me.
"Close"
"Sorta late for u 2 be up, isn't it? Hint"
....This is when I freak out.
Me: Mr Jaeb?
?: Come on
?: I know how quick u r
?: What this mr crap
?: U can do better than that u feminist
?: Is that what your going to call me
?: Hello
Me: Wow! So many texts at once, my phone wouldn't let me reply!
?: Well?
Me: I'm sorry if I'm a bit... confused, I've been up doing homework, and my brain's a little ragged. Is it not Mr. Jaeb, or is it and you would like me to call you something else?
*small pause*
?: Yeah, please just Brad. I wanted to talk to you, if you don't mind.
This is were mental breakdown ensues. Now, if you have read any of my blogs from when I was back home in San Francisco, you know why I am so afraid of his Dad If not, all you need to know is he hates our relationship, and doesn't particularly enjoy me becase I am not of the denomination of Christianity he is, and that we engaged in pre-martial sex. So, all I can think of is "Why doesn't Brennen have his phone? Why did his Dad take it? Did something happen?" and "WHAT DOES HE WANT TO KNOW" and "I'M GOING TO BE YELLED AT, AND LECTURED, AND RIDICULED. This. Will. Be. Painful."
Me: Of course, Brad.
?: Better! So, do you love him?
This is so going to end badly.... if I was in San Fran, I'd so be dead at the end of this conversation... he hates me, he hates me, he hates me....
Me: Yes, sir. In fact, for his birthday present, I;m writing out every reason why I love him. I couldn't imagine my life without him
?: Are you sure you should have told me that on his phone?
Me: It dooesn't ruin the gift at all, it's a lot more than that
B: I love you Barbara, This is brennen.
Sweet baby Jesus in Heaven, never had I been so happy to see Brennen text me from his phone.
Me: Ohhh my god.
B: I'm so sorry. The last three texts have been me. Dad was talking for a while, but when I took it back, I thought I would just see if you would say it to him. I love you I love you I love you!!! Please forgive me
WHATTTTTTT?????????
My next Text? "BRENNEN JAEB YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING HEART ATTACK!"
From there, I also told him I was changing his birthday present, to which he freaked out because he thought it would be the best present ever.... but he ruined it for himself!!
I felt like one of those people on the website "SmartphOWNED" (if you haven't heard of that site, check it out for some LOLS)
I did, however, find it interesting how he decided to test me. What made him think I wouldn't say it to his Father? Will questions never cease.....
Oh well, thought I'd fill you guys in! TTFN!
Days till I see him Next: 6 Weeks, 6 Days
Well, let's start with the "slightly bad news" first, then get into the prank. If you haven't notice, or maybe haven't read my blog yet, the days till I see him next got moved WAY back. This is because of a typo gone wrong at my college, giving us two fall breaks instead of one. So, of course, they delete the earlier one! Oh well, I can handle a few additional weeks!
Onto story time! Two days ago was an interesting day. It was supposed to be skype date day, but Brennen's busy schedule made it so he could only call me on his blue tooth while he worked. Which I was fine with, since I don't get to call him all the time anyways. So, we had a nice long convo, and then called it a night. So, I took the time to work on Brennen's 19th birthday present. That's when I suddenly get a skype call! From Brennen! I quickly accepted... only to find out it's his little brother Logan using Brennen's skype. The call failed, so we ended up, just like me and Brennen earlier, talking on the phone. After that call, I get back to work. At around 11:30 at night, I decide to call it quits when I suddenly realize... I never told Brennen I love him! So I quickly type out a text, set my phone on my nightstand, and curl up in bed. Then, my phone vibrates. I look at it to see:
"Hey beautiful great to see u talking to the Bren meister"
"Guess who this is"
To which I reply "...logan?" thinking back on Logan stealing Brennen's computer to skype me.
"Close"
"Sorta late for u 2 be up, isn't it? Hint"
....This is when I freak out.
Me: Mr Jaeb?
?: Come on
?: I know how quick u r
?: What this mr crap
?: U can do better than that u feminist
?: Is that what your going to call me
?: Hello
Me: Wow! So many texts at once, my phone wouldn't let me reply!
?: Well?
Me: I'm sorry if I'm a bit... confused, I've been up doing homework, and my brain's a little ragged. Is it not Mr. Jaeb, or is it and you would like me to call you something else?
*small pause*
?: Yeah, please just Brad. I wanted to talk to you, if you don't mind.
This is were mental breakdown ensues. Now, if you have read any of my blogs from when I was back home in San Francisco, you know why I am so afraid of his Dad If not, all you need to know is he hates our relationship, and doesn't particularly enjoy me becase I am not of the denomination of Christianity he is, and that we engaged in pre-martial sex. So, all I can think of is "Why doesn't Brennen have his phone? Why did his Dad take it? Did something happen?" and "WHAT DOES HE WANT TO KNOW" and "I'M GOING TO BE YELLED AT, AND LECTURED, AND RIDICULED. This. Will. Be. Painful."
Me: Of course, Brad.
?: Better! So, do you love him?
This is so going to end badly.... if I was in San Fran, I'd so be dead at the end of this conversation... he hates me, he hates me, he hates me....Me: Yes, sir. In fact, for his birthday present, I;m writing out every reason why I love him. I couldn't imagine my life without him
?: Are you sure you should have told me that on his phone?
Me: It dooesn't ruin the gift at all, it's a lot more than that
B: I love you Barbara, This is brennen.
Sweet baby Jesus in Heaven, never had I been so happy to see Brennen text me from his phone.
Me: Ohhh my god.
B: I'm so sorry. The last three texts have been me. Dad was talking for a while, but when I took it back, I thought I would just see if you would say it to him. I love you I love you I love you!!! Please forgive me
WHATTTTTTT?????????My next Text? "BRENNEN JAEB YOU GAVE ME A FUCKING HEART ATTACK!"
From there, I also told him I was changing his birthday present, to which he freaked out because he thought it would be the best present ever.... but he ruined it for himself!!
I felt like one of those people on the website "SmartphOWNED" (if you haven't heard of that site, check it out for some LOLS)
I did, however, find it interesting how he decided to test me. What made him think I wouldn't say it to his Father? Will questions never cease.....
Oh well, thought I'd fill you guys in! TTFN!
Monday, September 5, 2011
Welcome Back to The Real World!
Days in a LDR: 27 Days
Days till I see Him Next: 1 Month, 2 Days
Today was my first official day of Fall Semester! Very exciting day of reading course expectations and learning names. Of course, I'm being sarcastic, but it should get interesting soon! Today I actually got to meet two of my girl friend's LDR boyfriends, both came down for labor day weekend. They were both oh-so-sweet and perfect for my friends. Of course, this got me to thinking about Brennen, and how I wish he could come visit campus. But, it would be ridiculous to ask him to fly across the country using his own hard-earned money just to sit on our campus beach and meet my friends. Ok, ok, so that doesn't sound too ridiculous, but I'd much rather hi wait until he lives in Annapolis to visit me because it'll be much cheaper. Unless, of course, I decided to study abroad in London, England, because that is in the cards right now. But that's not until this time next year, so I won't worry about it too much.
Now, I realized my last two posts seemed a little... stressed and sensitive. Well, I had an eye-opening weekend of rebuilding houses in Tuscaloosa, AL, which successfully put things back into perspective. One of the reasons why I love volunteer work.
I swear to God I'm not a drama queen, I guess being in this whole new life in college thing brought that out of me!
Anyways, I'm going to be getting a letter from Brennen soon (which I'll be getting either Tuesday or Wednesday) AND a care package! I'm very excited. I know two of the gifts in the care package, but everything else is a surprise...and so is the contents of the letter. I would love to see what is in it. He's never been the verbal romantic... so seeing him write out his feelings will be interesting. I can't wait!!!!
Moral of this Blog? Complaining looks bad on the internet, and mail is amazing
Days till I see Him Next: 1 Month, 2 Days
Today was my first official day of Fall Semester! Very exciting day of reading course expectations and learning names. Of course, I'm being sarcastic, but it should get interesting soon! Today I actually got to meet two of my girl friend's LDR boyfriends, both came down for labor day weekend. They were both oh-so-sweet and perfect for my friends. Of course, this got me to thinking about Brennen, and how I wish he could come visit campus. But, it would be ridiculous to ask him to fly across the country using his own hard-earned money just to sit on our campus beach and meet my friends. Ok, ok, so that doesn't sound too ridiculous, but I'd much rather hi wait until he lives in Annapolis to visit me because it'll be much cheaper. Unless, of course, I decided to study abroad in London, England, because that is in the cards right now. But that's not until this time next year, so I won't worry about it too much.
Now, I realized my last two posts seemed a little... stressed and sensitive. Well, I had an eye-opening weekend of rebuilding houses in Tuscaloosa, AL, which successfully put things back into perspective. One of the reasons why I love volunteer work.
I swear to God I'm not a drama queen, I guess being in this whole new life in college thing brought that out of me!
Anyways, I'm going to be getting a letter from Brennen soon (which I'll be getting either Tuesday or Wednesday) AND a care package! I'm very excited. I know two of the gifts in the care package, but everything else is a surprise...and so is the contents of the letter. I would love to see what is in it. He's never been the verbal romantic... so seeing him write out his feelings will be interesting. I can't wait!!!!
Moral of this Blog? Complaining looks bad on the internet, and mail is amazing
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