It all feels... just wrong.

I just found out about 8 hours ago that last night, Brennen cheated on me.

I don't think I've ever felt this wronged in my entire life! And by someone I gave my heart, my love, my affection, hell my virginity to!

He said a "girl" (won't tell me her name... probably better for her, because that BITCH would be a DEAD SLUT!!!!) called him last night asking for a ride home, so he kindly obliged. Suddenly, however, they ended up in her room, and they had sex.
But don't worry guys! He was thinking of me the entire time!
Fuck. Fuck, Shit, Crap, Holy Hell Mother of God.

This guy, who was the one for me just ruined our ENTIRE RELATIONSHIP! A LDR should be based on trust, because you can't know where your partner is at all times of the day, you just have to trust them to be faithful.
The guy, who just on SUNDAY said goodbye to me from a wonderful weekend of love and planning our futures together on WEDNESDAY trashes the entire thing... and we were talking about getting married, living together....

I always grew up with my mom anecdote that "Once a Cheater, always a cheater", and besides her encounters with it, I know many other relationships with others that have proven this true as well. How do I know he won't do it again? How can I even trust him?

Yes, sure, he told me outright, on the phone, and never lied to me once.
But, sweet jesus Brennen, YOU CHEATED ON ME! I would rather a white lie any day over having some other skank in bed with you.

...and How can I marry a man who's cheated? Being in a committed relationship means being faithful every moment of everyday, not just when one feels like it. By doing this, he ruined the sanctity of our wedding before it has even happened.
"To have and to hold, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer, and I promise my love to you.." isn't just a suggestion, it's a contract, a promise... and I can't imagine a man who's cheated once to be able to say these words truthfully.


Maybe I'm just being paranoid, but don't I have the right to be? Just days after leaving my bed, he jumps into another's.. I feel so incrediably betrayed.

I LOVE HIM! And he has just proven that this doesn't matter to him.... he thought of me the entire time he was screwing this other girl, and he never stopped once and thought "I wonder how this will affect our relationship..." or ANYTHING. He should have said no... he's done that before with that filthy home-wrecker that tried to seduce him before... I guess she just wasn't up to standards.

I guess I'm not either.


Why wasn't I good enough for him? Am I not good enough at sex? Am I not pretty enough? Sexy enough? What did this girl have that I didn't?

I'm obviously not enough for him... I guess in the back of my mind, I've always known that. The Waterpolo player falling in love with the theatre nerd? I guess that kind of thing never happens... He settled for me... and I know out there, there are probably hundreds of girls vying for his attentions that are immensely better all around than me.

Fairy Tales don't exist. Prince Charmings don't fall from the sky and find the damsel in distress and save her from the horrible world.

Never tell your children these stories, it will only hurt them later on. I know... because all this time I've been the hopeless romantic waiting for Mr. Perfect... and nobody's perfect.



...and here I am. crying again. I guess I should stop now, I feel like a ranting ass.... just need to get it out of my system.

If I don't write again in another week, assume I've left the site. I love you all, and thanks for the brilliant advice the last 5 months, we wouldn't have survived this far without you.